Pushing Through the Itch

Once when I was about 11 I followed a few of my brothers to ride down a streets hill in Pennsylvania. They both has the old razor scooters and I had rollerblades. Can you picture someone going down a super steep hill on roller blades? Now picture the little girl getting afraid and trying to slow down... by sitting. My hiney was raw! Like five inches in circumference was completely torn off of my right upper thigh.

Now... I get back home to Mississippi and it is my first time in public school since I was in kindergarten. I can only sit on one side of my butt at my desks. Allllll day the spot was itching as it healed.  I would have to change the bandage often and put cream on it. I remember sometimes my nurse-mom would want me to just lay on my stomach to let it air out. Ha ha Sounds like it was a soggy rug or something. It was gross though. And it hurt, a lot. It was horrible letting it air out and not being able to scratch it. Man... I was so embarrassed as a 5th grader not able to sit normally! I was already weird enough not knowing people, the normal trends, now I had this to add.

When I was talking to someone six months clean yesterday she was sharing about how bad she wants to drink or smoke a cigarette. She said it's not like she'd be going back to the needle.

As I started to dig, I realized she was finally going deep in her personal studies at the program she is in. She is reading a book called "Unlocking Your Family Patterns". It is so hard to read she said she literally threw it across the room and can't pick it back up. She asked her manager to give her something else to read and her leader told her she believes this is what will help her, just keep trying as she can.

Right away I remembered someone telling me the urge to use is like an itch you feel like you just HAVE to scratch. It can pass! In reality you don't have to scratch it and usually that only makes it worse, like a rash or scab. I started to think of times I wanted to itch my wounds so they would feel better, it felt impossible not to. When I could focus on the future and what it would be like with this wound as a scar or completely gone it would help me to not scratch it.

When opening old wounds, like trauma, it is going to hurt. The body and mind will itch for anything to bring relief and comfort. Fight the urge to scratch!

If someone has numbed pain in specific ways it creates pathways in our brains. It is like someone walking through woods with a machete. It's highly likely next time they will use that same route to walk through those woods.

BUT!  We can make new pathways in our brains. Everytime we purpose to make new thoughts, responses and actions we are making new trails for us to walk down next time!

I see this as the walk with Christ. Denying your flesh is the cost of following Jesus. Carrying your cross may look like instead of numb pain you keep walking towards the pain and keeping the bigger picture in the forefront of your mind.